Saturday, March 5, 2011

Sorry-Oh SO Sorry

Ive neglected you with my life, Well what to tell you. Now that there is no Ryan, I have been in my hermit shell. Not sure of what my nxt move is. So what else to tell you...Ryan is in jail. The other day he had a chola call me to tell me he loves me. SOOOOOOOOOO Romantic *Rolls eyes* I got so used to the meth, the lies, the posible cheating, the fighting that now I am just a scared little puppy.
I started Weight Watchers again. I had gained sooooo much weight from this whole ordeal that now, I feel like I REALLY neglected me. And that's sad. I lost part of myself in him. So I am talking to a new guy. Nothing serious. Just sex. I am not even expecting that. The flirting is what is making me smile and honestly, I cannot handle another relationship. Shit, I am even scared to have sex with another man. Seems like I am once again scared of sex. 
What to tell you about this guy...*Taps fingers* I think hes cute. I think he is fact LOTS of women do. He is a radio DJ here in L.A...*Smiles* Whether its just friendship or not...I like smiling because someone new is into me and I am into him. I dig him. Older by 8 years, own house, not married, GREAT job, seems out together--however only time will tell. Again nothing serious.

Ryan has hindered my love life for awhile. I am damaged and as soon as I figure out what I really want in a man, I am just gonna let go and have fun.

I live with a lot of guilt from Ryan. Parts of me feel as if I am cheating on him. Parts of me still am in love with him and the rest of the parts know I am better off and deserve happiness. 

I am happy!

No tears.

No fights.

In fact it is so unusual to me.

So yes, there is the 411! I need to get back on track with this blog!

Love ya!


Stephie J said...

its nice seeing you happier girl :)

Amanda Roo said...

I think it's best to give yourself time to heal and to enjoy being single for a while at least. These issues you have related to Ryan won't go away until you allow yourself to go through the stages of grief for the loss of your relationship and the hurt caused by it. As much as getting some of that good attention from this new guy it might end up hurting or setting you back some. Even if you say it's just about the possibility of sex how is that really going to make you feel in the long run? It's a temporary high. And if somehow this, whatever it is, turns ugly you'll have two thing's you'll be working through.

Trish said...

Getting back to taking care of you is the best thing to do. No one will look out for you, like you will. Ryan really needs some help. I hope you keep flourishing Stef!

Laura Melanie said...

Yay! Stef! I'm so happy to read this post. Your smile shines so bright in this picture :D

You've grown so much and I know you will pull through this. Just remember you are not alone & lean on your friends the most.

Have a good weekend <3 muah!

Barry said...

Take it slow and enjoy the ride Stef. You deserve to be happy.

People may come and go but this is one guy who will always love you. :)