Tuesday, February 1, 2011

He seems Fine...

He messaged my friend...

As you can see...He does sound VERY happy without out me..

I love Ryan. I do. But not the Ryan he has become. I love the Ryan I met in the beginning. The man who stood 12 feet tall, invincible, lovable, caring, kind, funny...The man who used to lay in bed and laugh with me until we had tears in our eyes.

I have been struggling with a lot of issues. One main issue is: "Is it my fault?" 

Is it?

For the time he thought I was cheating so he replied to a Craigslist ad for No Strings Attached Sex/ and I threw his cell across the wall, kicked his monitor and as he sat there like "Yep I did it and it was because I THOUGHT you were cheating" justification , I hit him a few times.

Or is it the other day he was calling me such horrible names that I broke. I pushed. I pushed as hard as I can. 
Did I ?

I am still  to blame?

His Facebook sounds so Happy...He sounds like he just FINE without me.

Have I gotten my period...Wont know til Friday.

But I am spotting. My boobs are sore. And I am stressed. Just my luck huh. To be over for GOOD and get pregnant. Typical Stefanie move. I am sad.