Monday, February 7, 2011


Ryan called me last night. Crying.
"Stef I need help" I asked him what happened to his Aunts and where he was.

He had stolen a ring from his cousin, confessed before they found out and with that alone, he was kicked out. His mom came to the house and pretty much told him, as well as his brother, "We are DONE with you." Told him she was tired of the manipulation, lying, stealing,and anything else that comes from addiction. I asked WHAT he was using. He said Meth and weed. He began to cry. "Im scared Stef, I need help. I need help"

He was in a motel that night. How he got a cell or a room is BEYOND me.

I called his brother, his brother said, "We have spent so much money and time on him that he needs to do it on his own. Its do or die. Sink or swim"
Which is true. They spent 10 years getting Ryan help. Ryan saying, "I need help" and then his family checking him in as he had wished.

I didnt know what to do. But I couldnt have agreed more. I told Ryan this. He cried and apologized and that was it.

This morning he called me as I was on my way to class. Said he was gonna find himself a recovery home, he didnt want to live like this.

I then told him that I couldnt talk to him no more.

He cried. I cried.

That was it.

He called me through out the day. I said I couldnt talk to him but obviously he didnt hear that

I then came home and my mom and I looked up numbers.

Found some and gave them to him. It is his choice to use em or not.

Where he is sleeping tonight is beyond me

Is it sad that in ways I am relieved. I STOPPED crying... I am no longer feeling hurt. I am feeling more of a "JUST GET HELP!"

I feel like he is trying suck me in to give him shelter so he doesnt have to sleep on the streets. He is a strong man, but I am sure the little boy in him is scared.

He has NO ONE.


I would be scared to.

I know now that he is coming down, he realizes he lost everything. I am not sure whats an act and whats not.

But he is a lone soul. With no money. No shelter. No family, friends and me...

All I can do is pray he uses the numbers I gave him and he seeks help. FOR HIM.


Krazy Azz Malika said...

i know it hurts but you totally did the right thing.

Stephie J said...

two words for ryan "FUCK OFF"

Krazy Azz Malika said...

stephie j's comment should have a "like" button.

Amanda Roo said...

You are doing the right thing here. He has to do this on his own. He's burned too many bridges and I really hope he takes those numbers and calls.

Barry said...

You did the right thing Stef. Ryan can't always have other people be strong for him, at some point he has to be strong for himself.

And you need to be strong for YOU. I know in a way it hurt to do this but I'm proud of you. xo