Tuesday, April 5, 2011
MIxed Feelings
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Update...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Sorry-Oh SO Sorry
Saturday, February 26, 2011
He's in Jail
Last birthday he woke me up by being MAD at me for no reason. Just felt like being a prick to me on my birthday. Turns out he was high/coming down.
So today is his birthday. And he is siting in a jail cell.
Karma.
I quit trying to piece why he is in there and realize I will probably never get a straight answer.
Burglary for being in a PAID parking stall...
Sounds like trespassing to me but whatever.
Parts of me want to believe his story...those are the parts that are still healing, still fragile, still foreign to detaching with love.
The sane, the real me, knows a burglary had to have taken place.
He has 3 visible Felonies on him.
Yet there was 12 past charges (from what I remember)
No one will ever know what its like to be with an addict.
I fact no one who is NOT us will know what its like to love one.
I didnt second guess my decision. I know I did the right one. But sometimes, I wish people would just stop mocking him.
I should hate him. But I don't.
I know underneath the drug addict is a man who stand 12 feet tall in my eyes. Who is kind and caring...they obviously don't REALLY know him like I do.
But today, the laughter felt as if I was being made fun of too...actually just not today, most of the time it does.
Its not a bag on Ryan free-for-all...because in ways I feel like it's a bag on me free-for-all too... I was apart of it more than anyone. More than his own mother and brother (who btw are still in denial their "James" is a drug addict)...
Even though I am making progress, I just wish the negative comments on what a beast he is would stop...I know he is a beast. I know the things he said to me and did to me were HORRIBLE. I know this. I am not some stupid 25 year old girl who sees the world through rose colored glasses.
I know my mom, friends, and whomever mocks it, wont get what it's like to love an addict and having to detach with love...
Its hard ya know...knowing he is probably shitting in his pants. Probably VERY scared despite his strong facade.
Just the mocks, bad mouthing hurts...
Is that normal?
Ima say yes...
And forward I go...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
When Does Happiness Begin?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Arrested.
After many hours by myself, alone, thinking....
Ryan was arrested for burglary.Bail is $50,000 and bond $5,000. I dunno why he is calling me...I DO NOT have that money and if I did I WOULD NOT use it on his bail!
His story is that while he was on the streets, he apparently became a police informant. Meaning a RANDOM cop asked him to help take down drug dealers. Well today, he went to tell the cop he no longer wanted to do it. So the cop arrested him and charged him with Burglary.Even though he did not break into anywhere. Which then it would be considered trespass. But we ALL know that his behavior is that of an addict...so since his mouth is moving, he is lying.
This is where my blank stare comes in and smirk.
So do I believe the story he is giving others? No.
We all know that he MOST LIKELY got caught red handed and is just trying to work his way out of it.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Seriously?!?!?!
My friend Gloria got a message from Ryan saying a Jeff D. with the email jizzy1011@yahoo.com saying :
"stef has been all up on me since you two were together. and she is on me right now. by the way this is what she thinks of yo druggy ass
http://naranon.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5463
http://naranon.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5548"
-Blank Stare-
So I heard this and called him asking him to forward the email...Ryan said he sent the email to my email but some how I have received nothing.4 times!
"stef has been all up on me since you two were together. and she is on me right now. by the way this is what she thinks of yo druggy ass
http://naranon.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5463
http://naranon.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5548"
-Blank Stare-
So I heard this and called him asking him to forward the email...Ryan said he sent the email to my email but some how I have received nothing.4 times!
So I had him send it to my work email...
It was BLANK.
So he sends it again...said he copied and pasted it...and the message above it was it said.
So I emailed the guy Jeff or whoever it is, asking but no response
He also told me he got the email at 6:52 and yet told my friend at 6:35. I asked him for the time again Ryan is sticking to 6:52 yet told my friend about this at 6:35
How would ANYONE on the forum know his REAL name and EMAIL?
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